There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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