I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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