first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
