Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
