I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
