I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
