I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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