Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
