She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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