the condom got lost in my hair
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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