I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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