I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
