The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
