So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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