Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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