do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
