he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
