and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I fill condoms, not promises.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
