I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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