Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
