apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
