At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So here I am, sexting at work.
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