Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
