yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't put those talents on a resume
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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