I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The feeling are messing with the penis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
