so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
