Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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