Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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