My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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