sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
