I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
