big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
