I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
