Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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