what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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