Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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