My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
