Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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