So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
