From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
