If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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