I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
