Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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