Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
