You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
