I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
