This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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