If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
