I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I touched a dick in church today
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize