if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
