it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
