Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will pee on everything he values.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
