I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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