He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize