FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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