I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
