She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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