he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
