i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
