After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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