I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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