Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
