marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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