ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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