I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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