How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
