Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
birth control should be required to get into college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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