Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
