the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
