She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
