Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
