Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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