the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
