Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
