All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize