Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
