someone get that fucking seahorse.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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