I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
