i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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