You work out of a Hotel?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
