I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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