i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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