Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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