So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
