i love accidental penises.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
