couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
