I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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