We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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