What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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