i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
