You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
