I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize