I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
