I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
