But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize