The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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