anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize